i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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