after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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