***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
