dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
