Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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