I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Couch. On fire.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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