I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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