I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
