i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
