I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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