I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
