You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
