last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
