when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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