she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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