I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
