pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
