God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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