I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
