thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize