12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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