I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
