if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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