I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
