so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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