At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
