nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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