whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
