I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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