i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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