; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
