So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i think my cat just said my name.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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