I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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