woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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