i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
