better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Text me some of your sweat
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