The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
