I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
