I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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