Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
