at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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