I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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