Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
