Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My cat gives me a boner
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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