can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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