This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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