WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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