He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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