When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
