i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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