I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
