But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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