The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
