Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
