i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
