I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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