I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
