The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
