i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drake has all the answers
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
