I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
