Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
