BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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