You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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