Will you blow on my dice?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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