No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
