If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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